You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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