Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
