I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
