A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize