I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
