I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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