so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
