Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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