this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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