Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
