i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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