I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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