I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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