Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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