hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
