Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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