My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm jealous of your bromance
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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