when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
