hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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