Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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