miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
