i wish my penis had a tongue
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
