Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
