I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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