I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
