You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
