i think i have herpe
just one?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
