i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
