remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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