Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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