So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
