Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
