Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize