i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did i walk over a car last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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