life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
