just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize