Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sext me about skeletons
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize