I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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