I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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