Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My feet surprised me
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