i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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