I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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