Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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