I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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