winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
