oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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