really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
