I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
