there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's great music for shaving your balls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
