do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
