i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
