Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
