She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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