butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
