i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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