Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
