how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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