i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
