just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
