I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize