I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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