So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
