Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
