Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
