I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
