of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
