Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
