Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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