Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
