I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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