So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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