HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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