The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
