But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
