you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize