do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
