he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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