Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
