I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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