that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
