somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
