Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
