someone threw a dead crab at me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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