i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
