half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize