I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
