Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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