It was confusing and full of hummus
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
