call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
