ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He has the fingertips of a God
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