So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
