so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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