im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
