You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are we still banned from the library?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
