He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Come on in and take your pants off
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