I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
