i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
