He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize