Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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