so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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