Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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