im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize