Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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