I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it glows. i had to have it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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