dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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