I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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