Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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