He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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