Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
